He felt slightly uncomfortable himself when he was posing in it for a photo and a bunch of kids passed by.
Words by Caspar Pisters, photos by @bluebycee (on Instagram)
“I had this big idea to shift my focus from freelance writing to making art and clothing. Because I really like that. For so long I’ve been stalling doing what I believe in. Or rather: doing what I love. Because I am actually quite insecure about it.
“I bought equipment and expensive machines and then I started painting my apartment. Procrastination in its purest form.
“Anxiety to fail is a constant in my life. I used to write a society column for Amsterdam newspaper Het Parool. Even after a hundred episodes I was on the phone crying to my best friend every night because I thought it wasn’t good enough.
I insist on modeling the pieces myself. I spent all this time on it, I want people to know that it’s me who made them”
“When I look at people who are more content in their careers, it strikes me that generally they are not only doing what they do well, doing it also comes somewhat easy for them.
“So my plan now is to turn my hobby into my work, making handmade sweaters and jackets and paper cut art pieces. The garments are one-offs. The equipment I bought enables me to make slightly larger runs so I can lower the price.
“Which is another issue I’m dealing with: how much should I charge? Let’s say I want two hundred euros for a sweater. Pricey, yes, but the thing is hand painted, I spent entire evenings working on it.
“Another example: I fitted a leather jacket with a dinosaur from my favorite movie Jurassic Park. The collar of the dino can move, it’s quite cool. How much should I ask for it? No less than a thousand euros I think, but who’s going to pay that kind of cash?
By expressing this hyper sexual version of myself, I have become much more accepting of my own sexuality”
“It’s my struggle right now. I fully stand for what I make but I get wobbly about it when I have to convince other people. Taking pictures for my Instagram page also was a bit of a thing. There I was, in broad daylight, wearing my sperm jersey while children walked by.
“Praise in advance to the person who will wear this sweater by the way, haha. For now I insist on modeling the garments myself. I spent all this time in my room making those pieces, I want people to know that it’s me who made them.
“A more vain and exhibitionistic motive comes into play here, too. I must admit I enjoy the attention the pictures get me. Producing these clothes set off a small sexual revolution inside myself. By expressing this hyper sexual version of myself, I have become much more accepting of my own sexuality.
“The cum dumps are people too statement means: I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I like. I’ve never been in a bukake circle soaking up cum, but I’m allowed if I wanted to.
“For years I’ve suffered from bottom shaming. If I decide to take on that role in bed, I want to be able to feel completely comfortable with it. And I’m also free to engage in extreme sexual fantasies and indeed have those ten cocks around me.
“To shit with sexual conventions. I am almost 34 now, maybe it is time I allow myself some more space to be me and be less strict. People should just do what they like. I am thinking to name my label CMDMP.”
Louis Bollee (33) lives in Amsterdam. Louis as in Vuitton, Bollee as in beaux lay. Check out & buy his work at forcryingoutlouis on Instagram
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